Put your hand in the air if you’ve been accused of this. I bet every single one of you has at least worried that you come across this way.
There’s something I want to talk about today, that I personally believe is incredibly important. Your needs as a submissive. I’m not talking about your fantasies or wank material. I’m talking about your basic, human needs in a relationship. Do you remember those?
Guess what. You’re allowed to have them.
For some reason, particularly online, and even more particularly, on the pro-scene; you boys and girls seem to be under the impression that expressing what you need as a sub, means that you aren’t really submissive. This is something that I deal with pretty much every day. It’s almost impossible to get a sub to tell you what he or she needs, so great is the fear of coming off as pushy and demanding. And whilst I’m perfectly happy to call the shots and love doing that, it is so much harder to dominate a person effectively, if they can’t tell you in some small way, what makes them feel submissive, valued, turned on and all-around good.
If you as a sub, are not getting your needs met, it doesn’t matter that I enjoyed myself with you, because I won’t be seeing you again anyway. There will be no relationship that develops into something deeply satisfying and sexy. And that’s perfectly fine, if all you want is a quick-hit of hypno to take the edge off. I get my fix of kink just fine from that. All is well for me.
But you? Not so much. You will instead go off to yet another Domme, hoping that she will read your mind and know what you need without your having to articulate it, and risk being accused of topping from the bottom.
So I’m going to tell you right now, sweetness. Plainly and without fuss. It’s ok for you to tell me what you need. It doesn’t make you less submissive. It doesn’t take my power away from me. Quite the opposite, in fact. If I know what you want and what you need, then I have the ability to lure, seduce, command and brainwash you using those needs to play with you in a much deeper and more lasting way. If you deny and suppress all of your needs, you are effectively removing my power. You’re giving me nothing to dominate!
Being able to tell me what you love, and why, is an amazing gift that you give to me. It not only allows me deeper into your mind, but it also shows incredible trust, and tells me that you are interested in developing a relationship of some sort with me. So from this point, if I ask you about your needs and interests, try to tell me truthfully. Because ‘I want whatever you want me to want’ may be a hot fantasy, it may well even be an accepted response in much of the kinky-roleplaying world; but it isn’t true.
Think about that.